Rambling Reads | Damned Review

Let me just start off by saying that I am a huge Chuck Palahniuk fan. Invisible Monsters and Survivor are, hands down, two of my all time favorite books. Damned was lukewarm and here's why.

Chuck Palahniuk and Hell? Sign me up, I thought. Palahniuk tells us the story of Madison Spencer, a thirteen-year-old girl who finds herself in Hell after an apparent marijuana overdose. Yeah, I didn't buy that either. Eventually you find out how she really died, and it definitely lives up to the Palahniuk  graphicness.

As we go on this adventure through Hell with Madison, we see her evolve from a meek little girl who is still hoping she will (maybe) see Heaven, to a hellish goddess stomping her way to complete and total power of the underworld. While I thoroughly enjoyed the latter part of Madison's journey, it was incredibly frustrating reading about her inner turmoil. Let's just say, Palahniuk got the annoying, angsty thoughts of a thirteen year old almost too right. Palanhiuk would write reflective moments like this after Madison has explained something:

"Yes, I know the word absentia. I'm thirteen years old, not stupid- and being dead, ye gods, do I comprehend the idea of absentia."

While this isn't annoying now, imagine it repeated in different forms throughout the entire span of the book. That's what Palahniuk did in Damned. Yes, I understand that it's in the nature of a thirteen year old to be snarky and repeat themselves, but I don't particularly want to be annoyed when I'm reading, maybe that's just me.

Another part of the book I wasn't exactly on board with was the chapter where Madison, and her hellish friend Archer, get into some graphic shenanigans. A female demon eats Archer, leaving only his severed head, and in order to weaken the demon, Madison comes up with the disgusting idea to use Archer's severed head to pleasure the demon. Basically, this book isn't for the repressed. But, if you are picking up a Chuck Palanhiuk novel, you should already know that.

I did find the different friends Madison makes in Hell to be interesting. My personal favorite was Archer. He really stuck by her side, and forced her out of her comfort zone (if there even is one in Hell.) He is right by her side cheering her on when she rips Hitler's mustache off, steals Catherine de Medici's crown, and cuts off Caligula's testicles. We truly see the evolution of little Maddy Spencer in Damned, and it will be interesting to see where Palahniuk takes her in the sequel Doomed. 

At the very end of the book, Madison finds herself at a difficult crossroads when she is told she has the option to go to Heaven, or even back to the living. While she has grown to find herself in Hell, a part of her still yearns for the comfort of her loving, yet highly unstable, parents. Her inner turmoil with the decision is one of my favorite quotes:

"I can go back to earth, to be with my parents, to live whatever lifetime I have allotted. I'll be able to menstruate and have babies and eat avocados." 

Okay, so maybe it's my favorite because avocados are mentioned. But for real, you can really feel how pulled Madison is in the direction of going back to the living. We are not given the answer of whether she will join her movie star parents back on earth, or stay in Hell at the end, which just makes me want to read Doomed. Thanks Palahniuk.

I enjoyed the book because I will always love the way Palahniuk writes, but it wasn't one of his best, in my opinion. Plus, he seems to have something against gingers:

"Perhaps a trace number of politicians ascend to Heaven, but statistically speaking, 100 percent of them are cast into the fiery pit. As are essentially 100 percent of journalists and redheads.”  

Welp, I guess I'm going to Hell, guys. Whatevs, all the fun people will be there anyways.

What I've Learned About Loss

I've been through a lot of difficult changes in the past year and a half. I'm beginning to truly believe that how you push through life-altering events in life defines you. Here's how I came to that conclusion, and what I've learned about loss.

Up until last March, I had never experienced the death of a close family member. I should have counted myself lucky, but I wasn't really aware of what the feeling was, so it wasn't on my radar. With my grandparents, loss was sometimes lingering in the back of my mind, but just as a passing thought or particularly unpleasant daydream. March 1st, 2014 was the day my Papu (for the non-Greeks, my grandfather) left this world. It's a day I have tried to forget, but now I'm realizing I shouldn't because with tragedy comes valuable life lessons.

A tighter bond

When a loss of this importance happens, it's only natural that your family holds on to each other a little bit tighter. For my family, my Papu was a big deal. He was such a character. Full of life and spirit, sometimes good, sometimes a pain in the ass. He was the soul of our family, who made each of us want to be better people. 

After he passed, my grandmother was all alone. This was probably one of the harder parts of the entire ordeal. My grandparents were married for 65 years and were madly in love up until the day my Papu died. I remember him telling me once, "people ask me when do I want to go and I say, 'The day after Tessie goes." Their wedding photos could rival Hallmark, and I will always yearn for a love like theirs: pure and true. As he used to say, "65 years..when you're with a person for that long, you become one person." I can only wish for a love like that. 

On the day he passed, I happened to be driving home from work and got the phone call from my dad that he was gone. I raced over to my grandparents house and found my dad waiting outside for me. We hugged and in that moment I can't say that I'll ever have the perfect words for what I was feeling. I felt pain and comfort all at the same time. Once I got into the house, I was showered with love, sadness, and a communal sense of dread from my other family members. We sat on the couch with my grandmother for hours. I will never take family for granted after experiencing loss this profound. 

That's what friends are for

Family becomes tighter with loss, but it's also good friends that help in a way you didn't think you needed. When it happened, one of my close friends came to my house with flowers and a shoulder to cry on. I didn't even need the flowers, but she's the thoughtful kind. There was nothing I needed more right at that moment and she delivered it right to my door. I'll always be thankful for that. 

I was in a relationship when my Papu passed away, and my ex actually got the chance to meet my Papu once before it happened. When we all sat down, he looked at my ex and said, "Who the fuck is this guy?" Papu was many things, subtle was not one of them. A couple weeks after he passed, my mom, my ex, and I had a sort of tiny memorial for my Papu by drinking martinis (his favorite drink) and toasting him. For me, it was a great way to celebrate him and make the difficult goodbye a little easier. Things were rough for the family at the time, so it was nice to do something so filled with love and good intention. Afterwards, when I was lying down with my ex, I started to cry thinking about everything. Now, normally guys don't really handle girls crying very well, but I do have to hand it to him in this instance. When I told him I was sad, he just said, "He loved you, and you loved him." He made it sound so simple, and in that moment, it brought me a lot of peace. To this day, when I can feel myself getting emotional about my Papu, I remember those words and it still brings me some piece of mind. Yes, life eventually played out and I'm no longer with that person anymore, but moments like that stay with you. Doesn't matter who it was. 

Remembering helps 

You would think that remembering someone who has died would make it harder, but that's not the case for me. I inherited most of my Papu's old photos when he passed because I would always come to their house to look through them and he would tell me stories of his extraordinary (albeit mostly dramatized) life. But I lived for it. To this day, I still have the box full of old photos and when I'm feeling nostalgic, I'll heave it out and go through it. Remembering him keeps him alive in my heart, so I make a point to do it every once and awhile. 

I'll take this opportunity to introduce you to my Papu. Marx Arvanitis was 93 years old when he died on March 1st, 2014. He was born in Hells Kitchen, New York City and would never let you forget it. Marx was a proud soldier in WWII in France, and when he came back, he was set up with my Yaya, or grandmother, Tessie. Around a month later, they were married. My Papu was a florist, and I can still hear him say, "always remember to talk to you plants, they need the oxygen to stay beautiful." He would tell me fantastic stories about his jobs decorating at The Plaza in New York City, and how he swears he ran right into Frank Sinatra once. He was a romantic, and a dreamer and I loved him with ever fiber of my being. Every year, I would print up all of the writing I did and make a book just for him to read. It was his requested Christmas present from me. I lost my biggest cheerleader last year, but when I remember him, I can feel his spirit in my writing. 

There will be bad days

I'll admit it, life goes on. When deaths hits a family, there is about a month or so when it's so dark you don't know if you'll ever come up for air. But then something happens that you can't quite put your finger on and just like that, you're back to going through the motions. It never really leaves you though. It's been a year and three months since he died and I still have dark moments. 

What gave me the idea to write this post was an emotional moment I had earlier today when I was driving to get some dinner. I had been feeling down in the dumps for no reason in particular, and suddenly "Young at Heart" started playing in the car. Any Frank Sinatra song is bound to make me think of my Papu, so I just lost it. When I got home, I thought it would be a great idea to write through the emotions I was feeling, because writing things down is an extremely cathartic way of owning your emotions, and then releasing them. 

So, that was my journey with loss and it may not be yours, but everyone has their own story. Although I feel like I've come to a place of acceptance that he's gone, life won't quite be the same. The world lost a bright spark the day he left, and I'm doing everything I can to keep it burning for him. 

Have you experienced a loss? What helped you through it?

Rambling Reads | The Road Review

Took me long enough, but I finally finished The Road by Cormac McCarthy. I bought this read in a local bookstore in Encinitas. I had been eyeing it for awhile, and decided what the hell, I'll get it. Keep in mind, I do this with several different books, which leads to more books, leaving me suffocating in a gigantic pile of tomes. That's actually a real nightmare I've had before. Moving on.

The Road is set in a post-apocalyptic world swirling with graphic images of death and fire. We are greeted by the two main characters of the book, a man in his late 40's and his likely 10 year old son. Although we are never given their names, the reader establishes a genuine connection to this father and son team. We find ourselves rooting for them in this uncivilized world.

In a New York Times review of the book, McCarthy has stated that "death is the major issue in the world and that writers who don't address it are not serious." In The Road, death is inescapable. McCarthy overloads our senses with depictions of "corpses shrunk to the size of a child" and half eaten humans. What is even more disturbing is seeing some of these images through the eyes of a child. The man's young son is forced to walk through this world with his father, and what he endures is tragic.

What I found to be intriguing was the idea that the son was born after the world became the way it was (which, by the way, we never really get an answer as to what happened) and does not know any other world before this disgusting life. His father, on the other hand, does. We don't get many flashbacks or memories of what life was like before, the novel stays relatively focused on the present, but it is assumed that the man yearns for his dead wife, yet shames her for the choices she made after the world became uncivilized.

The world has become even more desperate since the father and son have been on the road, resulting in cannibalism, cults, and death. The man and his son stumble upon several grotesque events, such as seeing a basement full of half eaten people, a baby corpse being roasted on a spit, and decapitated heads. Basically, this book isn't for the squeamish. Surprisingly, I'm pretty squeamish but somehow I was able to make it through.

"My job is to take care of you." 

This quote encapsulates the entire novel, in my opinion. The whole story is proving that simple sentence. A father protecting his son. We, as the reader, watch this man slowly become weaker and weaker while frantically figuring out how to take care of his son. Throughout the novel, we read very brief moments of dialogue where the father will leave his son to search for food, or supplies and his son will desperately say, "I want to go with you," or "Don't leave," to which the father replies, "I won't be gone long," or "I will be back." His son clings to his father's humanity throughout the entire novel, and when he begins to lose that, and his life, we see what remains of the son.

I'll admit it, I had moments in this book where I was tearing up. Seeing that the last book I cried over was the seventh Harry Potter book, it takes a lot to make me really emotional when reading. There were two different scenes that sent me into the waterworks. The first scene was when the son suddenly gets very sick and his father becomes crazed to help him. When reading those few pages, I was frantic myself. I really thought he wouldn't make it. I loved that McCarthy had me so invested in an unnamed young boy, that I was just as worried as his own father. It was the line, "I will do what I promised, he whispered. No matter what. I will not send you into the darkness alone," that really got to me. The man is referring to his sort of pact with his son that if one of them died, they would both die. They didn't want to leave each other alone in this world.

The second scene is obviously the ending scene where the man dies. I actually was very affected by the scene right before it where the man is trying to force his son to go on without him. He knows that they made that pact, but can't force himself to hold his dead son. Once the man dies, we are in the mind of the son. It was almost hopeful to see the son finally meet a "good guy" immediately after his father dies, and to be welcomed by his family. While we don't actually know if the family was good or not, the book is left on a slightly curious, and positive note. The son still talks to his father in his dreams (another part that made me emotional), so we find comfort in the fact that his death was not in vain. A man did all he could, in the life he was given, to protect his son.

I would highly recommend this book, and would really love to read more of McCarthy's other novels! I know there is a movie adaptation of The Road, but I was told by a friend that it doesn't do the book justice. When do they ever? I may give it a shot though.

Have you read The Road? What did you think?

My Favorite Friends Guest Stars (In No Particular Order)

Friends has always been my go-to show. When I was sick at home in high school, Friends. When I didn't want to go to class in college, Friends. And now, I watch it when I'm feeling nostalgic for jean vests and scrunchies.

Phoebe's rockin' that jean vest. 

Although I adore the sensational six (Chandler Bing being my soulmate,) it was the guest stars that got huge laughs. Once the show got recognized, they brought out the big guns with stars like Brad Pitt, Alec Baldwin, and Christina Applegate.

I have complied a spectacular list of my favorites. Take a look, if you will.

Alec Baldwin

The One in Massapequa 

Alec Baldwin plays the overly enthusiastic Parker, a love interest that Phoebe meets at the dry cleaner. Phoebe is enamored with his child-like personality, and decides to bring him as a date to Monica and Ross' parent's wedding anniversary party. Even though all of the Friends make fun of him, I think Parker was hilarious. Everything from wanting to take a mental picture of everyone *click,* to touching Rachel's pregnant belly, Parker is truly the most positive human being on the planet. 

Brad Pitt

The One with the Rumor

Quite possibly the most famous guest star, Brad Pitt played a character from Ross, Monica, and Rachel's high school years named Will Colbert. Like Monica, he was formerly fat, but now has a no carb diet. He guest stars in a Thanksgiving episode, which are always the best on Friends. The fun fact for Pitt is that he was with Jennifer Aniston when he filmed his guest appearance, and ironically plays a character that hates her guts. He even co-created the "I Hate Rachel Club." Up top! 

Hank Azaria

5 episodes, S1E10, S7E11, S9E6, S9E22–23

It's a tie between Paul Rudd and this guy for my favorite guest star. Hank Azaria plays one of Phoebe's more serious love interests, David. He is a bumbling scientist who steals Phoebe's heart time and time again. If only he hadn't gone to Minsk. Sigh. As David put it, "It was a good trip."

David's character comes in and out of the show, sometimes when Phoebe is single and ready for him, and other times when she is in a serious relationship. In the end, David will always have a special place in Phoebe's heart.

Paul Rudd

18 episodes, S9-10

The character of Mike comes into Phoebe's life by a mistake of Joey's, actually. In an episode, Phoebe and Joey decide to set each other up with their friends and Joey forgets to find a friend, so he just yells, "Mike!" in Central Perk and this is how Paul Rudd appears. 

We all know and adore Paul Rudd, so it's obvious that we would love his character with Phoebe. My personal favorite moment is when he changes his name to "Crapbag," as a response to Phoebe changing her name to "Princess Consuela Banana Hammock." Clearly, they are meant for each other. 

Christina Applegate

2 episodes, S9E8, S10E5

Christina Applegate plays one of Rachel's horrifying sisters, Amy. Applegate was meant to play Amy; the extremely self-centered sister who cannot seem to remember anyone's name correctly. She also appears in a coveted Thanksgiving episode where the gang talks about what would happen to Emma if Ross or Rachel died. Amy just wants the baby so she can give her a makeover, and it turns into a full fledged fight. Oh, and Amy thinks Ross is the falafel guy on the corner throughout an entire episode. Totally chill. 

Jon Favreau

6 episode in Season 3

Favreau plays one of Monica's many love interests, Pete. Pete is a lovable millionaire with a doomed dream to be the UFC fighting champion. Monica sticks it out for a little while, but once he gets his first full body cast, it's peace out. I feel you, Monica. That's too much drama. 

Robin Williams & Billy Crystal

The One with the Ultimate Fighting Champion

Robin Williams and Billy Crystal make a special appearance in the very beginning of the episode. Their names aren't announced, they just sit down next to the gang, while the Friends ease drop on their intense conversation. I mean, who wouldn't want to be a fly on the wall with those two in a room? 

Even though they are only in about five minutes of an episode, they are the funniest scene. It's completely random, and leaves the gang forgetting what they were even talking about. 

Brooke Shields

The One After the Superbowl: Part 1

Shields plays Erika Ford, an obsessed fan of Joey's character, Drake Ramoray, on Days of Our Lives. Shields is a master at playing a crazed super fan, and even goes so far as believing Drake is a real person. In true Joey form, he goes out on a date with her because she's attractive, but quickly realizes how unstable she is, so the gang has to create a new scene for Drake where he cheats on her. This leads to her throwing a drink in his face and stomping out. Drama from beginning to end. 

Bruce Willis

3 episodes, S6E21-23

Willis plays Paul Stevents, the father of Ross' then girlfriend, Elizabeth. Ross is incredibly nervous because Paul doesn't particularly like him, but Rachel catches his eye. Rachel and Paul end up dating for a few episodes, before she cracks his cold exterior and he becomes a crying mess. 

My personal favorite scene with Bruce is where Ross is hiding under the bed from Paul, and sees him getting ready in the mirror, dancing and singing, "I'm just a love machine." 

Adam Goldberg

3 episodes, S2E17-19

There is nothing funnier than when Chandler gets a new roommate in the second season. Joey and Chandler have a short-lived falling out, and Joey moves out. Even though they miss each other, Chandler attempts to move on and look for a new roommate. That is when he finds Eddie. 

Eddie seems normal in the beginning, but then turns into the kind of roommate who watches you sleep and gets a machine to dry different kinds of fruit. Causal. Finally, Chandler gets the nerve to kick him out, and everything seems fine, until he comes back into Central Perk like nothing happened. It's not until Joey finally moves back in that they trick him into leaving. Teamwork at its best. 

Now, I know there are so many other guest stars that are currently circling your brain right now but these are my favorites. I could name all of them, but that would be mean we are here for a very long time. Could I BE taking any longer to end this post? Okay, I'm done.