You heard me right, therapy. I've been pretty open about my recent adventures into therapy with family and friends because I think it's important to understand that it's okay to ask for help. There are plenty of people walking through life silently suffering from anxiety, depression, or some other mood or mental disorder that they don't have the skills or guidance available to control and all they need is a little help in the right direction.
My anxiety has been rough for me recently, but I decided enough is enough. I wasn't going to let it control me any longer, so I made the journey to therapy to better understand what makes my anxiety tick and how to maintain it. I've only had two sessions, but it feels like some of the weight of my stresses and anxieties have been lifted, merely because it's calming to have someone to talk to who isn't biased or always going to tell you what you want to hear.
So, here's what I've learned about myself from therapy so far.
One of the first things my therapist said to me when we had our initial meeting was how self aware I was. Until recently, I never truly thought of myself in that way. I always considered myself to be pretty naive, so it was refreshing to hear that from someone new. After hearing it though, I realize I really am aware. I'm very aware of what is triggering for my anxiety, and even though I may have irrational thoughts or bouts of slight panic attacks, I'm fully aware they are happening and what is causing them. Being self aware gives me the edge I need to help combat my anxiety, and it's reassuring to know that when I feel myself getting to a place that's obsessive or anxious, I can pause and write down what I'm feeling or take a moment to think, "Wait, what's really going on here?" There are several qualities I cherish about myself, but self awareness is key for me as of late.
Now, I know a lot of people call themselves strong, and they have every right to, usually. My life hasn't been anything majorly tragic, but I've dealt with my share of life altering change and heartbreak. My parents splitting up was probably one of the more life altering changes in my life thus far. It not only forced me to break out of my sheltered view of the world, it fucking hurt. Newsflash: divorce really sucks. There's no way around it. But, what's really important is that I got through it. When I thought it wasn't even close to possible, I'm still standing (well technically sitting) here now. I came out on the other side of something I couldn't even picture going through. The same goes with heartbreak. Breakups are horrible. It's like someone rips out your beating heart and shows it to you while they are laughing uncontrollably. Too much? Probably, but it's a pain you never think you'll forget until you just do. One day you're just fine. You're fine, and you've learned from it.
I am strong, and I'm capable of taking down my anxiety once and for all. Look out world, I have avocados.
You may have noticed the pattern of these three topics starting out with "I am..." My therapist taught me a cool trick for when I get into my own head and start to overthink. Find a positive phrase to combat whatever negative thought or anxiety you are feeling right in that moment, and start it with, "I am.." Not only does this enforce a strong tone for your mind to hear, it plants you directly in that exact moment. You're not allowed to think about what's happening in a week, tomorrow, or even five minutes from now. I am at peace. I am okay. I am working on my anxiety. Repeat that enough and you may just start to believe it.
I am a work in progress. With therapy, I'm very much realizing that I'm flawed but I'm making changes with the right attitude. You'll never change unless you want to, and it's so true. It's about taking the guidance provided and testing it out in real life to make room for the moments worth treasuring. That's what it's all about, folks. I would so rather spend my time and energy on remembering how much fun I had with my best friend on a trip to Utah, than wasting my mind away on things I'm not able to change or control.
Everyday, I'm growing and learning more about my anxiety and myself. It's a scary, but also incredibly exciting, time and I can't wait to see the finished product.
Do you have success stories with anxiety? I want to hear them! Share your story in the comments below.
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