5 Tips on Overcoming Relationship Anxiety

When you're an anxious person, dating can be a daunting task. Especially a new relationship. Within the first few months, there are several things that can cause your mind to race and your anxiety to spike.

How will we handle our first fight? 
What if they see how bad my anxiety is and leave? 
How will I get used to a new person's way of coping with emotion? 
What if they leave the bathroom door open and my dog gets into the trash? 
(Okay, that last one is just for me personally. My boyfriend will read this, you know what you do).

Having anxiety is hard enough – balancing that with being in a relationship is even harder. For me personally, it's been an amazing learning experience where I've even been taught some things I didn't know I needed. Here are some tips I've learned along the way in coupledom that will keep the anxiety at bay so you can focus on the important things like love, laughter and burritos.

Be clear about your plans 

With my anxiety, change can be difficult to manage. Particularly sudden changes in plans. It doesn't help when your boyfriend is not so good at the planning. What's the solution? Create a google calendar! It may seem weird, but hear me out. I've found that my anxiety is triggered or spikes when my boyfriend will suddenly spring a change in plans on me last minute. Creating a calendar solves that. My anxiety can't be triggered if I already know the plans for the weekend. As an added bonus, it gives my poorly planning partner more practice at actively writing out his schedule for the week. Two birds, one stone. 

Be patient & understanding 

Getting frustrated or angry never solves anything, especially when you’re dealing with anxiety. That can even lead to shame, which is never the result you want. If your partner is going through an anxiety attack, or even just a small episode, be understanding. Just be there with them in that moment and make them feel safe and heard. 

I’ll give you an example. One day, when my boyfriend and I were just hanging out, I went to walk my dog and saw that his allergies were kicking in and he had this gigantic bloody spot that he wouldn’t stop itching and the entire walk all I saw was that spot and by the time I got back to my place, I was in tears. My boyfriend asked what was wrong and I just started sobbing because one little thought morphed into several ANT’s (Automatic Negative Thoughts) and I found myself apologizing over and over again, and instead of being confused, or telling me to “think happy thoughts,” he merely held me and said, “everything is okay, you’re okay” over and over again until I was just that: okay. With his immense patience and understanding, he brought my mind back into reality where everything was just fine, and I was able to battle the thoughts and move on. 

Replace "I'm Sorry" with "Thank you" 

This has been a more recent tip I’ve learned through my constant reading and research on mental health and wellness topics. I stumbled upon a Huffington Post article where the author replaced apologizing, in situations where she had done nothing wrong, with an attitude of gratitude. 

With my boyfriend (and honestly other people I’m close to in my life) I find myself apologizing when I’m anxious or think I’m not good enough, and when I’ll need to vent or just talk, he will make time to call me and ask what’s wrong and I have such a strong urge to immediately say, “I’m sorry for wasting your time,” or “I’m sorry you had to do that.” Instead of saying things like that, express gratitude. Say, “thank you for making time for me.” This not only gives your partner love and appreciation, it makes you more confident in your own voice and what you are feeling. 

Take Time To Self-Care 

When you’re in a new relationship and everything is beautiful and perfect and lovely, you’ll want to spend every second together. I felt that (and sometimes still feel it) with my current dude, but he has taught me that taking time to recharge is really important. Not just for a relationship – for yourself. 

Self-care is something that is necessary for anxiety sufferers, it’s how we bring ourselves back to reality from all the fear-based, negative thoughts that swarm our brains on a daily basis. Because of society expectations (which are usually unrealistic) I’ve always thought that in order to have a good relationship, you were together all the time every minute. But, that’s just not true. It took some adjusting with my anxiety, but when my boyfriend takes a few days to have his own time and space, it’s for him – it actually has nothing to do with me. That’s crucial to remember. Don’t personalize, I know that’s easy to fall into. This is where being clear and communicating your plans and feelings is also important. Because my partner is very good at communicating what he needs and why he does things, I don’t feel like it’s my fault or that he’s not wanting to hang out. Find someone who makes sure you understand that. 

It's important to note – make time for the other people in your life. Just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean your close friends and family stop wanting to be around you. Look forward to hosting that book club with the ladies, or going out for happy hour with your favorite coworkers. Your partner will still be around – I promise. It's healthy to have your own friends! 

Never Stop Learning From Each Other

This may sound cliche, but it’s so true. When I get out of a therapy session, there are three people I will call or text. My dad, my close friend, and my boyfriend. This is because I want to keep these specific people updated on my constant bouts with anxiety and to share with them the things I’ve learned that week or any realizations. Having a partner (whoever that may be) who is actively interested in knowing more about your anxiety and how to effectively make things better is what you want. 

Another example would be that I was out to dinner with my boyfriend and he asked me what I talked about in therapy that night (ps, you do not have to talk about it if you aren’t comfortable yet, I was) and I said, “are you sure you want to know?” to which he replied, “yeah because the more I know about it, the more I can understand what you go through.” Right there. That’s the kind of person you want in your life. 

Anxiety should not be the reason you can't be in a happy, healthy relationship – you are enough and you deserve happiness. 

Those are my five tips on dealing with relationship anxiety. How do you navigate anxiety within your relationship? 

New Year, More Growth // 2017 Goals

So, it's finally 2017. Some are calling it the year of Trump, or the start of The Hunger Games. Same thing. Personally, this year has started off with some amazing new changes for me. Not only did I make the leap into a new job where I'm writing full time (I'm a newly branded copywriter), but I've been blindsided by other unexpected, yet beautiful new developments.

I've never been one for making New Year's resolutions, because those tend to cause anxiety and trigger a sense of failure – and let's be honest, most are thinly veiled, so I would rather make some goals for the year. Some are things I will continue to conquer, like I do everyday, and some are brand new.

Last year, I made enormous strides with my anxiety. Starting last June, I made the decision to start attending therapy and it's been the greatest decision of my life to date. I was already slightly self-aware going in, but now it's like night and day. Even my therapist has noticed a significant change in the way I've been viewing myself and the situations around me, and I couldn't be more proud of myself. I've gone from sobbing when my therapist looked me in the eye and told me, "you are good enough," to confidently telling her in a session that I deeply believe I'm worthy of happiness and love. It's been a seriously long journey, and there's no chance of me giving up now. I will always be a work in progress, but I can't wait to see where life and my new found confidence takes me.

I've received several different compliments this year from people close to me, and not so close to me, that I'm fearlessly myself, regardless of what situation or social setting I'm in. I've always prided myself on this fact, and not only do I plan to continue maintaining this attitude in the New Year, I plan to be kinder to myself. I'm intensely hard on myself and it's time to cut me some slack. Everyday, I'm doing the best I can – and that's enough.

This is a big one. In therapy this year, and more recently, I've learned that I need to establish some clear boundaries when it comes to individuals who trigger my anxiety. Whether that be family or friends, I need to distance myself when my emotions aren't being respected or recognized. In the past, I've always felt compelled to please the people around me, but in going to therapy and growing into myself, I realize that there is no one to please but myself. If I spend all my time trying to make everyone else around me happy, I'll just be anxious and and have zero time for myself. 2017 is the year I remove myself from relationships that do not feed my soul and help me grow into the person I know I'm capable of becoming. 

  Over Christmas, I went to Big Sur with my dad. It was a spontaneous trip, but one I'll never forget. There's nothing quite like spending your a holiday with your favorite person in the world. All we did was hang out, read, walk among the trees, and eat. It. Was. Glorious. While we were there, we explored Carmel, an adorable little town nearby and of course, I was drawn into a writing shop where they sold gorgeous leather bound journals. My dad decided to get me a Christmas present, so now I own one of those treasures. I christened it my travel journal of 2017, starting with our trip to Big Sur. I plan to fill up that journal with many memorable moments and adventures this year.

This one isn't quite as romantic, but it's necessary. I've never been very skilled at cooking (I burned soup once. Seriously.) At my previous job, we had free lunch everyday (boy, do I miss that) and now at my new job, that's not the case. However, I see it as a blessing in disguise because this is how I will learn to cook better. For the New Year, I ordered my first Blue Apron, and I'm excited, but also slightly nervous, to begin this challenge into the culinary world. I guess I gotta grow up at some point....although, I will always consider a quesadilla and avocados a balanced meal.


Welp, those are my goals for 2017. What are yours? Share them with me in the comments!

5 Thanksgiving Episodes That Might Just Be Better Than Pie

It's around that time again when you're forced to be around family who asks you all the personal questions that make you want to drink a cornucopia of beer. But hey, at least you can go home and watch these hilarious Thanksgiving-themed TV episodes to unwind and forget that your Uncle Larry voted for Trump.

 Gilmore Girls - "A Deep-Fried Korean Thanksgiving" 

It's Thanksgiving and Lorelai and Rory promised they would go to four different dinners. Think of the all the stuffing. Their plan: skip the rolls. Not only is this is a warm and fuzzy episode to watch for the holiday, it's almost an impressive amount of food to eat in one day. Also, for the Gilmore Girls fans out there, this is a cute episode to watch because it's still the beginnings of the Rory/ Jess saga. I've always been Team Jess myself, even though he skulked off to California when he failed out of school. Essentially he's a wannabe Kerouac, but I digress.

If you're a fan of fast talking and food comas, this is your go-to Thanksgiving episode.

How I Met Your Mother - "Slapsgiving" 

While the whole will they, won't they with Ted and Robin constantly infuriates me, I enjoyed this episode purely for the scenes with Marshall and Barney's slap bet. In a previous episode entitled Slap Bet, Marshall and Barney make a bet where the loser gets five slaps to use over the period of a lifetime, and sadly Barney lost. Throughout the episode, Marshall taunts Barney with a slap countdown and although the permission to slap is revoked by Lily at a certain point, she taps him back in at the very end resulting in a hilarious outcome. The final scene ends on a touching note, with all of the friends experiencing their first official Thanksgiving as friends in the big city. Makes you appreciate your close friends, even if they look forward to causing you bodily harm.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer - "Pangs" 

Buffy has some great seasonal episodes, particularly Christmas and Halloween themed, and Pangs is actually the only Thanksgiving episode. I especially love the scenes with Spike in this episode. He is newly implanted with the chip from the Initiative, which makes him a completely useless vampire. This Thanksgiving episode deals directly with the unspoken of issue during this holiday: the oppression of the Native American culture. The ghost of a vengeful Native American spirit haunts the gang, giving Xander syphilis (I mean, who else would get it really), and turning a Chumash warrior into a gigantic bear, to which Spike yells, "A bear! You made a bear!" Best line. For more ins and outs of this specific episode, check out this Buzzfeed article.


When the Scooby gang finally sits down to Thanksgiving dinner, the table is littered with arrows from the fight. Typical Buffy style.

Friends - "The One with Rachel's Other Sister" 

 I'm probably biased for this one because Friends is my favorite show, but you can't deny that they kind of take the cake for Thanksgiving episodes. There are so many great ones to choose from, but I would have to say this particular one is in my top two (the other one is mentioned below, hah).

Rachel's sister, Amy, makes her first appearance on the show (played by Christina Applegate). When she isn't offending just about every person at the dinner, she's fighting with Rachel because they didn't let her have Emma when she hypothetically died. All the while, Monica and Chandler are arguing over whether to use the good china for Thanksgiving (that does not work out in Chandler's favor), and Phoebe teaches Joey how to get away with a good white lie. It's a doozy of an episode and I recommend giving it a watch with some pumpkin at the end of your dinner.

Friends - "The One with All the Thanksgivings" 

 

I love this Thanksgiving episode because it's essentially a montage of all of the friends' worst Thanksgivings. For Joey's story we are transported back to 1992 when he gets his head stuck in a turkey (do not ask me how he pulled that off) but it's Monica's story that wins in the end. Back in their college years, Ross brings Chandler over for Thanksgiving dinner. Rachel and Monica are still in high school, with Ross still slobbering all over Rachel and Monica in tow behind her. Chandler stupidly makes a fat joke about Monica and she hears it, resulting in her drastic weight loss the next year. In an attempt to get back at him, she ends up severely damaging his toe.

Since Monica and Chandler are secretly dating in this episode, they both feel pretty awful knowing each others worst Thanksgivings, so Monica ends up (somehow) getting a turkey on her head and shimmying for Chandler. This results in Chandler blurting out, "I love you," which hilariously has Monica freaking out with a turkey still on her head. It's a classic scene, so romantic and genuinely funny.

Sidenote: My personal favorite "worst Thanksgiving" story is Phoebe's, which has us traveling back to the Civil War era with the blonde hippy as a nurse mending soldier's wounds, naturally.



Well there you have it. Those are my personal favorite TV Thanksgiving episodes. Did you have a favorite that's not on my list? Tell me about it in the comments!

Rambling Reads | The Martian

So, the time finally came for my monthly book club, Books and Babes, tonight and I was completely prepared. (Just kidding - I literally finished the last page of the book five minutes before the first person showed up). 

But procrastination aside, July's book was The Martian by Andy Weir and I seriously enjoyed it. I won't lie, it was difficult getting into the story in the very beginning (with all the NASA jargon - like I'm still not 100% on what a MAV is) but once I became more acquainted with Mark Watney and his insane journey through Mars, I was hooked. 

The gripping, desolate narrative tells the story of Mark Watney, an astronaut who becomes injured while on Mars, and thought to be dead. It turns out he was alive, and left completely alone on another planet. Weir writes the story with Watney's daily Sol logs to guide you, as well as brief intervals on Earth and the Hermes spaceship with the original crew. I liked the style of the narrative, it allowed the reader to develop a relationship with the main character, and boy did I. 

Mark Watney's humor is unparalleled in this novel. I found it impressive that the main character was still able to keep his great sense of humor in the midst of utter loneliness and quite possibly death. My favorite one-liner from Mark includes a moment from a scene where he super glues his hand to his helmet and then immediately tells the reader, "Stop laughing." It was that engagement with the reader that really drew me in. I found myself waiting for those hilarious little bursts of comedy. 

I won't ruin the ending for all you fine folks, but it definitely kept me on the edge of my seat. Reading The Martian was a great experience for me because it's a book I honestly might not have read on my own. I've never really been drawn to science fiction before, so I'm glad I created this book club to experience new genres and go on all different kinds of adventures through reading! PSA: Host a book club. You get to read awesome books, plus there's usually chips and guac. 

So what are you waiting for? Walk...no, run. Wait, what am I thinking, just jump in your rover and head to the bookstore for your copy of The Martian! If you're a science fiction fan, or love a great adventure in space, check this book out. 

Have you read The Martian? What did you think of it? Tell me your thoughts on the book in the comments!

The Art of Saying No | As Told By A Ginger With Anxiety

I've always been a people pleaser. From a young age, I had a lot of anxiety when it came to any kind of confrontation, having to disagree or say no to someone or something. Since beginning therapy, my therapist told me something that has continued to stick with me: Erica, you're an adult. You do not have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable or anxious, regardless of the circumstances. 

Therapy has taught me many things, but one of the most inspirational lessons has been the art of saying no. I've learned that not only is it okay to say no, sometimes it's the right choice for you. Here are some new mantras I've learned in the art of saying no.

This is something I've always had trouble with. When you're a people pleaser, sticking up for yourself becomes difficult. You come across the anxiety of making others angry, and for me: having others not like you. I've always had a good deal of anxiety when it comes to how others see me, and the act of sticking up for myself directly affects that. It's so important to know when you're being disrespected and protect yourself, rather than let a situation build and build until it either explodes, or ruins a relationship. Yes, sticking up for yourself could ultimately ruin a relationship anyway, but if someone has a problem with you protecting yourself, they weren't a good friend to begin with. 

Realize that you do not have to put up with anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, or uneasy. Anxiety affects everyone differently, and people who have more serious bouts can feel anxious for smaller things and that can be hard to understand for people who aren't in the same mind frame. If you find yourself becoming anxious or uncomfortable more often than not, it's time to assess the situation and know you deserve better, and more understanding. 

This is probably the toughest lesson I've had to learn. More recently, I've found it easier to stick up for myself or remove certain people from my life who aren't treating me respectfully, but the tricky part is moving on from it. With my anxiety, it becomes a struggle to fully move on once I've made the decision to say no to a relationship. I'll take obsessive negative thoughts for 200, Alex. However, with therapy I'm learning healthier ways to remove myself from uncomfortable situations. I would rather have less friends and a more positive outlook on life, than be surrounded by negative people who don't treat me with compassion and understanding. 

How have you learned to say no in your life? Tell me your story! 

Rambling Reads | Dream Jumper

On Friday night, I happened upon the most magical experience. My friend Kelly (who is the biggest badass when it comes to any form of literature) invited me to come to this event at her bookstore, so I went to check it out. Turns out, it was the coolest thing.

Greg Grunberg and Lucas Turnbloom were there talking about their shiny, new graphic novel: Dream Jumper. When I heard them discussing it, I was immediately intrigued. I shopped around the store for awhile afterwards, convincing myself to buy this new graphic novel, and get it signed by the two guys. When my friend and I went up to get our books signed, it was so much fun. Grunberg and Turnbloom are the sweetest, most engaging people and it's so apparent how much they care about kids sitting down and reading for pleasure.

   

So, here we go. Let's take a dive into Dream Jumper. 

Dream Jumper tells the story of Ben, a young boy with a special gift. He can jump into other people's dreams. Although the idea does terrify me, the premise is very fresh and I was pleased to see a book with a unique plot, rather than a play off something already written.

Ben's best friend, Jake, is a great character. He's the comical relief in moments of drama, and I just love how he's constantly trying to market Ben's gift, wanting him to see new wireframes for the website and brainstorming different names for his business of saving people from their own nightmares. He's a hoot.

I don't want to spoil anything for the folks who want to read this, but I will say that it's got some great twists and I have my theories for the next book, based on how the novel ended.

Probably one of my favorite things about this graphic novel was that it teaches young kids they have the power to fight their own nightmares. When I was younger, I constantly battled nightmares and would even wake up crying in the middle of the night with my mom running into my bedroom, scared out of her wits. It's an important lesson to learn that part of growing up means fighting our own battles - including nightmares.

Ben's fight with Erebus, the gigantic dream monster named after a Greek god who lived in the deep shadows of the Underworld, is a true test of his courage. Erebus takes your deepest fears and uses them against you, and in this case, Ben's biggest fear is himself. It was refreshing to see such deep themes in a children's graphic novel, and I felt proud of Ben for standing up to his fears of himself and "being nothing" with the help of his new friend, Lewis.

Lastly, the illustrations in this graphic novel are fantastic. For the fans of the Amulet series by Kazu Kibuishi, this is the graphic novel for you. I'm an uber fan of Amulet (I own the entire series) so when I opened this book, I fell into the story through the illustrations.

Well, there you have it. I finished this book in a little over two hours, because I literally couldn't put it down. I loved going on this adventure with Ben, and can't wait to see what the next volume entails!



Have you read Dream Jumper? If so, tell me your thoughts about the novel, I wanna hear em! 

3 New Things I Learned From Therapy

You heard me right, therapy. I've been pretty open about my recent adventures into therapy with family and friends because I think it's important to understand that it's okay to ask for help. There are plenty of people walking through life silently suffering from anxiety, depression, or some other mood or mental disorder that they don't have the skills or guidance available to control and all they need is a little help in the right direction.

My anxiety has been rough for me recently, but I decided enough is enough. I wasn't going to let it control me any longer, so I made the journey to therapy to better understand what makes my anxiety tick and how to maintain it. I've only had two sessions, but it feels like some of the weight of my stresses and anxieties have been lifted, merely because it's calming to have someone to talk to who isn't biased or always going to tell you what you want to hear.

So, here's what I've learned about myself from therapy so far.

One of the first things my therapist said to me when we had our initial meeting was how self aware I was. Until recently, I never truly thought of myself in that way. I always considered myself to be pretty naive, so it was refreshing to hear that from someone new. After hearing it though, I realize I really am aware. I'm very aware of what is triggering for my anxiety, and even though I may have irrational thoughts or bouts of slight panic attacks, I'm fully aware they are happening and what is causing them. Being self aware gives me the edge I need to help combat my anxiety, and it's reassuring to know that when I feel myself getting to a place that's obsessive or anxious, I can pause and write down what I'm feeling or take a moment to think, "Wait, what's really going on here?" There are several qualities I cherish about myself, but self awareness is key for me as of late. 

Now, I know a lot of people call themselves strong, and they have every right to, usually. My life hasn't been anything majorly tragic, but I've dealt with my share of life altering change and heartbreak. My parents splitting up was probably one of the more life altering changes in my life thus far. It not only forced me to break out of my sheltered view of the world, it fucking hurt. Newsflash: divorce really sucks. There's no way around it. But, what's really important is that I got through it. When I thought it wasn't even close to possible, I'm still standing (well technically sitting) here now. I came out on the other side of something I couldn't even picture going through. The same goes with heartbreak. Breakups are horrible. It's like someone rips out your beating heart and shows it to you while they are laughing uncontrollably. Too much? Probably, but it's a pain you never think you'll forget until you just do. One day you're just fine. You're fine, and you've learned from it. 

I am strong, and I'm capable of taking down my anxiety once and for all. Look out world, I have avocados. 

You may have noticed the pattern of these three topics starting out with "I am..." My therapist taught me a cool trick for when I get into my own head and start to overthink. Find a positive phrase to combat whatever negative thought or anxiety you are feeling right in that moment, and start it with, "I am.." Not only does this enforce a strong tone for your mind to hear, it plants you directly in that exact moment. You're not allowed to think about what's happening in a week, tomorrow, or even five minutes from now. I am at peace. I am okay. I am working on my anxiety. Repeat that enough and you may just start to believe it. 

I am a work in progress. With therapy, I'm very much realizing that I'm flawed but I'm making changes with the right attitude. You'll never change unless you want to, and it's so true. It's about taking the guidance provided and testing it out in real life to make room for the moments worth treasuring. That's what it's all about, folks. I would so rather spend my time and energy on remembering how much fun I had with my best friend on a trip to Utah, than wasting my mind away on things I'm not able to change or control. 

Everyday, I'm growing and learning more about my anxiety and myself. It's a scary, but also incredibly exciting, time and I can't wait to see the finished product. 

Do you have success stories with anxiety? I want to hear them! Share your story in the comments below. 

Rambling Reads | The Girl on the Train

It's been awhile since I've posted a book review, and silly me: I started my own book club! Since I've always wanted to be a part of a book club (wine, snacks, good friends, and discussing books, what's not to love?) I decided to host my own!

Books and Babes is a book club dedicated to badass women who enjoy discussing and reading books. I thought it would be fun to make the club female-oriented, so we choose only books written by female authors. So far, we've read three books and I'm disgustingly behind on reviewing them for this blog. Life, work, and my dogson constantly demand my attention, I apologize. However, that will change because here is my review of our very first book club novel, The Girl on the Train. 

The Girl on the Train by Paula Hawkins was an experience. Even though it was our January book club novel, I still remember the narrative like it was yesterday. Everyone who read the book in our club was fully immersed into the world of the three women we meet: Rachel, Anna, and Megan.

Our main protagonist is Rachel. Right off the bat, we learn she's a recently unemployed alcoholic recovering from a brutal divorce. As a reader, her drunken stupor throughout the novel forces you to find her a potentially unreliable narrator, which keeps things interesting, for sure. We go on to learn that she takes the same exact train route to and from work, even though she was fired from her job. Taking that same route gives her a sense of comfort. On that route, she lives vicariously through a couple she sees from outside her train window, who she's adoringly named Jess and Jason. They are the couple she aspired to, but we soon learn they are actually Megan and Scott: and they aren't the perfect couple, not at all.

The second voice we become acquainted with is Megan Hipwell, the woman living what Rachel believes her fantasy to be. As it turns out, Megan's life is pretty chaotic. I won't spoil things for you though.

Our last narrator is Anna, the shiny new wife of Rachel's ex-husband, Tom. Initially, I found her to be fake and overwhelmingly aggressive when it came to Rachel in Tom's life, but as you journey through each of these women's lives, you start to see the full picture that is Anna.

This book is a real page turner, and takes several different twists and turns. It certainly didn't turn out the way I thought it would, and I was really pleased with that. Also, I really enjoyed all the different themes surrounding the novel such as gender culture/norms, addiction, friendship, marriage, and sexuality.

If you're a fan of crime thrillers with some deep themes, this is the right book for you!

Fun fact: They are officially making this book a movie! The fantastic Emily Blunt will be playing the main character of Rachel, and I'm beyond stoked to see how the adaptation plays out in theaters.

Have you read The Girl on the Train? Let me know your thoughts on the novel in the comments below! 

4 Things I Learned From My Papu

While driving home from work today, my dad called me and I was half listening to him on my car phone (I was partially thinking about finally getting to take my dog for a walk because it's now light enough when I get out of work) but then suddenly he told me he was having a martini to celebrate my papu and it hit me. Today is the anniversary of his death. It's been two years since he left us, and while everything feels different, my love for him has remained the same. 

So, I decided to honor him in the best way I know how. These are just a few things I learned from my papu. 

Always tell stories

I truly believe I inherited my love for storytelling from my papu. He always lived to tell a good story when our entire family was together. Not only did he love the attention, he loved the journey of a story. I could see it in his face when he was telling it. His eyes would light up, and his hands would wave around once he got really into it. I lived to watch him talk and appreciated a real value for history through him, and learned about my Greek lineage because of him. Our family has an unique personality, and my papu was the heart and soul of it. 

Love, love, love 

Although he didn't always show it to our whole family, it was clear who he loved. He admired my yaya unconditionally. Whenever our family would be all together, it definitely got loud. In the middle of it all, he would stop, look at her, and say, "my koukla," which in Greek means, "my doll" or "my gorgeous." Then, like clockwork, my yaya would give him a quick smile, then immediately yell at him to stop it in Greek and life would go back to being too loud. I caught these moments several times in my childhood, and I don't think I ever truly appreciated them until now. When you're young, you only see love in others, because you haven't experienced it yourself. Being in my mid-20's, I've experienced versions of love and now truly understand how much he loved her. I hope to one day have someone look at me like that and call me gorgeous, even when I'm in my 70's. 

My papu also loved his children, and grandchildren, fiercely. My relationship with him may have been later in his life, but he was one of my favorite people because I never wondered if he loved me. I just knew. He showed me every time he got worked up reading a story I wrote, or when he would tell me all about growing up in Hell's Kitchen while he cooked me orzo and lamb. 

Live with passion 

Every Christmas, papu never asked for anything from any of his grandchildren, just to see them and talk to them. Papu always had a passion for writing himself, so when it came to me, he would ask me to print out everything I wrote that year and put it together as a book so he could read it. He taught me to never give up on my passion for writing, and always made me feel like I was working towards something. Like I mentioned in my previous post about my New Year's goals, it's because of this support from him that I'm planning to write a children's book in his honor. I have big plans, papu. I wish you were here to see them, and to read what I've written. 

Stay young at heart

"Don't you know that it's worth every treasure on earth, to be young at heart." Papu always immortalized Frank Sinatra, and "Young At Heart" will always be my go-to song when I want to think of him. While he could be a very serious man, I got the rare treat of seeing his silly side. I will treasure those memories forever, and it will constantly remind me to stay young at heart. Being serious has its time and place, but if you don't stop and let the nonsense in, you aren't truly appreciating life. That's what I learned from my papu, take it or leave it. 

Like in most Greek families, our papu was a gigantic part of the family. So losing him was devastating, but we hold onto our moments with him and he taught every person in my family a different lesson that will guide them for years to come. 

Do you have a grandparent who taught you some great lessons in life? I want to hear about it! Share your story in the comments. 

My 3 New Year's Goals

Since this year is drawing to a close, I figured I would write a post about my goals for 2016. Everyone talks about their resolutions for a new year, but I find that term to be too easily forgotten. I think calling them goals makes for a definite result.

2015 has been a year of ups and downs for me, and I learned a lot (blog post possibly to come about my lessons from this year) and decided that I have three definitive goals for the coming year. Here they are.

Pst, yes that's me. This is from a NYE photoshoot at my work :) 

I recently came up with this goal in the last few weeks, and I think it encompasses my entire life. Towards the end of this year, I found myself becoming more bold than I had normally been and having it completely pay off in the end. A great example is my new job. My previous job wasn't challenging me at all, so I made the decision to start looking for a new one, and boy was that a fun time. It took me close to three months, but I finally found the perfect fit. I not only had a phone interview, I went to a career fair with the company, had another phone interview, a two and a half hour interview with top executives, and then they offered me the job. All of that could not have been possible if I wasn't bold in my desire for a new job. And let me tell you, it so paid off because I am madly in love with my new position. 

Being bold doesn't just apply to the job department though. In 2016, I want to be more bold in my relationships, which means not waiting, but just going for it if I feel it's right, in any relationship capacity. No fear. I need a little more spontaneity in my life. 

This second goal is something near and dear to my heart. My papu, Marx, passed away in March of 2014 and, while I had always planned to write something for him, his passing has made the desire even greater. In 2016, I will force myself to sit down at least a half hour a day and focus on the outline and writing of a children's book in his memory. 

I have the basic outline written down, I just need to hunker down and write it out. I also spoke with the graphic designer at my work and he sounded interested in drawing the illustrations for it, so that has me motivated to get started. I cannot wait to see what it turns out to be. I would love to go further into the plot of the book, but I've decided to wait until I've fleshed out the narrative more before I write anything on this blog. Stay tuned :) 

This is a big one for me. Lately, I've had pretty intense anxiety. Whether it's about a certain situation in my life, or just a small event, I tend to let myself get sucked into a black hole of worry and obsession. While this will be the hardest goal on my list, I truly need it the most. 

Anxiety is a beast, and sometimes it just needs the right method for relief. I have found certain ways to calm it, whether it's coloring, reading, writing, or taking my dog for a walk, but it always comes back. I find myself taking situations that don't necessarily have to be devastating, and twisting them in my mind until they are life-altering to me. It's completely irrational, and a part of me knows this, but it still feels so real. To someone who doesn't really experience this kind of anxiety, it's difficult to explain, but let's just say it's not a picnic. In 2016, I've decided to find a more effective way to calm my anxiety. Whether that means trying to talk to a therapist, or taking weekly yoga to ease my mind, or both. I need to put a pause on my mind and realize that there is so much to be grateful for in life, rather than constantly worry about. I have a lot going for me right now, so might as well be aware of it. 

Well, those are my New Year's goals, what are yours? 

Rambling Reads | Beautiful You

Over Thanksgiving break, I went on a magical journey to New York to visit my cousins, and for the eight hour plane ride (both ways) I ended up finishing the latest Chuck Palahniuk novel, Beautiful You. Here are my thoughts.

Palahniuk starts off this novel with a horrifying courtroom rape scene. I won't lie to you, I almost couldn't get through it, but I forced myself to push past those first few pages and I'm glad I did. All of Palahniuk's novels come with a specially-packaged message on society. Fight Club centered around materialism, Invisible Monsters focused on society's curse of unattainable beauty, and Survivor serves up a steaming pile of knowledge surrounding depression and cults.

In Beautiful You, sex and gender are the two main themes. Warning: This book is not for the faint of heart, or reader who's uncomfortable reading about sex, because dear god there is a lot of it. The main character, Penny Harrigan, is introduced as a normal, slightly boring twenty-something living in New York. This wannabe lawyer never truly pushed the boundaries of sex and eroticism, but all that changes when she meets C. Linus Maxwell, or as he likes to call himself, "Climax-Well." He is fascinated by her, and is constantly described as taking tedious notes in his little notebook, jotting down her every response and movement.

Once Penny and Maxwell begin their torrid affair, things take a turn for the experimental. Maxwell begins to test out hundreds of different sex toys on Penny, bringing her sexual experience to a whole other level. While it's a wild ride for Penny, she eventually yearns for any sense of love from Maxwell, but it's clear he's not capable of it.

Penny soon begins to realize she is part of something much larger than just experimenting with Maxwell, the highly attractive nerd. It turns out that Maxwell is using Penny as his last test subject for his line of feminine sex toys called Beautiful You. Once their relationship comes to an end, he releases the line and that's when the shit hits the fan. Penny watches as all the women of the world become consumed with desire for these glorious sex toys. She, and quite honestly the reader, becomes conflicted with the idea that women should have the complete right and feel empowered by pleasuring themselves and exploring their sexuality, and the evil plot Maxwell has for these women.

This book is full of twists and turns, like a regular Palahniuk, so I won't spoil them for you. Let's just say that it's a doozy. Personally, I found Beautiful You to be an extremely empowering novel for women. The narrative centered around the idea that women control most of society's capitalism and, with the help of sex toys, can become more powerful than the opposite sex. While it takes ideas about gender and sex to the extreme, Palahniuk gets straight to the point that masturbation involving women is still regarded as a taboo subject in our society, which I believe is why he goes entirely over the top with his descriptions of sexual encounters throughout the book. His purpose is to make you uncomfortable, and he does his job.

Lastly, my favorite part of the book was at the very end. Penny has conquered Maxwell and is able to control her own body, rather than have Maxwell controlling her. Feeling unsatisfied after the end of Beautiful You sex toys, Penny decides to use the last stimulator to give all women a complete sense of self worth and empowerment. She gives them the gift of appreciation for their own bodies. It was a wonderful moment to read for women, especially coming from a male author. Palahniuk successfully writes in the tone of a female, and champions for all women and their ability to love themselves.

Okay, so I might be slightly biased when it comes to Chuck, but I would suggest giving this book a read, if you are comfortable with reading about a good deal of sex. If not, I wouldn't really suggest any of Palahniuk's novels, honestly.

Have you read Beautiful You? What did you think? Tell me in the comments below!

6 Ways I Attempt To Deal With Anxiety

Having anxiety is never fun. I won't go so far to say that I'm constantly anxiety-ridden, but there are moments when I'm stuck in my head and can't find a way out. Recently, I was waiting to hear back about a fantastic potential job and every waking thought was consumed by self-doubt and anxiety on hearing back. Every day that passed, I analyzed why it was taking so long, when it all seriousness, I had no control over when they called me with any kind of news.

P.s. I got the job, but more on that later. 

It was in this chaotic few days that I learned what helps to ease my anxiety, so here are some of the things that work for me, maybe they'll work for you too!

Do some doodling

This activity is a fairly recent discovery for me. When I was at the peak of my anxiety last week waiting to hear back about this job, my cousin told me about adult coloring books. She told me they would help me with my anxiety, so I went on a quest to Michael's and found a gorgeous coloring book to doodle away in, I bought myself some colored pencils, because I'm 24, I have no colored pencils lying around. When I got home, I started coloring and man does that shit work. It's like a form of meditation because the illustrations in the book are so detailed and intricate, you really aren't focusing on anything but what you're coloring. I would suggest coloring books to anyone who is searching for a way to quiet their mind for a little bit. Plus, it's just fun. 

Here is my first masterpiece: 

Watch your favorite TV show/movie

Yes, this may seem like an easy one but it works wonders. It's the perfect distraction for my always-working brain and it gives you some laughs. My go-to shows are The Office and Friends, those two will forever brighten my mood and help me to laugh my anxiety off. 

Call your go-to person 

That person will always be my dad, he knows how to calm me down and put things in perspective so I don't completely go off the rails. However, that may not be the case for everyone. Your go-to person could be your mom, your sister, a best friend, or even a boyfriend. Or maybe your dog, who knows. Whenever you are feeling the anxiety start to overwhelm you, pick up the phone and call your person. I am so very grateful that I have my dad, who is probably one of the only people who understands my anxiety, to talk to when I'm stressed. Not everyone has that person, and it's so important to be thankful if you have that person in your life who will pick up the phone at 2 in the morning just to talk. 

Chill with your pet 

According to WebMD (aka my homepage because I'm convinced I have about 10 different illnesses) having a pet is a serious stress soother. Just petting your cat, dog, bunny, bird, or whatever animal you choose to imprint on for life, can not only lower your blood pressure, it helps your body to release a relaxation hormone, and cuts down on levels of a stress hormone. It helps even more when you hug your dog super tight and force him to cuddle with you...nope, sorry that's just me and my dog.

I think I'm doing it wrong. 

Listen to your favorite playlist

Whether you use Spotify, Pandora, ITunes, Apple Music, or you go old school and just buy CD's, music is a huge stress reducer. Personally, listening to a folksy playlist with some The Civil Wars, The Weepies, and more recently Matt Corby, calms my nerves and really puts me in a dreamy mood.

Here's one of my favorite folksy playlists, The New Retro: 

Breathe

Just breathe and realize that everything will be okay. I know, it's really easy to just say that, but to believe it is another thing. A little while back, I started up yoga and I absolutely loved it. Focusing on breathing did wonders for my mood and mindset in life. To this day, when I'm extremely anxious or stressed out, I stop what I'm doing and take three seriously deep breaths and focus only on my breathing, and I open my eyes and my anxiety is lessened. While this may not work for everyone, it's definitely something you should try, you never know if it could.

So, those are my go-to stress smoothers, what are yours? 

The 5 Greatest Halloween TV Episodes

Halloween is quickly approaching, so it's time to reveal my all time favorite Halloween TV episodes. These aren't ranked in any type of order because having to decide which episode is #1 gives me too much anxiety. Let's do this!

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: "Halloween" 

While there are several classic Halloween episodes of Buffy, I think the second season's is the best. In this episode, Buffy and the Scooby gang are all forced to take the neighborhood kids trick or treating by the Principal, but the night has other plans for them. Ethan Rayne, the douchebag of chaos, comes into town and takes over the costume shop, magically turning everyone's Halloween costumes real. Hilarity ensues with Xander becoming a real Army dude, Willow turning into a ghost, and Buffy transforming into a noblewoman. This is the first we see that Ethan Rayne is actually the old friend/enemy of Giles, and he takes him down in good ol' Ripper fashion. 

Bonus: My absolute favorite part of this episode is when Willow, who was self-conscious about her costume so she wore a ghost sheet over it, abandons her sheet and her fear, and walks down the street in her revealing outfit. It's then that Oz, or the adorable Seth Green, sees Willow for the first time and utters, "Who is that girl?" Swoon. 

Boy Meets World: "And Then There Was Shawn" 

  

It's not Halloween until you've watched the Halloween episode of Boy Meets World. Quite possibly one of the greatest Halloween episodes, it revolves around all of the BMW squad having detention together....or so they thought. It's really just an entire episode mocking all of the popular 90's scary movies like Scream and I Know What You Did Last Summer. Jennifer Love Hewitt even makes a cameo. I don't know that I'll ever get over seeing Mr. Feeny murdered, but watching Cory, Shawn, and the gang run around the high school hallways does make it a tad easier. 

Parks and Recreation: "Meet N' Greet" 

In this Halloween episode, April and Andy throw their first Halloween party and it's quite the rager. I hope my Halloween party will be as cool as theirs. One can dream. April dresses up as a deflated sumo wrestler (awesome) and poor Ben learns to express his annoyance with the fact that April and Andy never asked him about throwing the party in the first place. 

The Office: "Costume Contest" 

I'm probably biased because I love this show way too much, but this season seven episode takes the cake. Pam gets everyone all excited for the prize of the costume contest, a gigantic coupon book. Everyone dressed up in their best costumes, except for Jim. He's usually not the type to dress up, but at the end of this episode, he dresses up as Pop Eye for Pam and their daughter, like the adorable character he is. 

How I Met Your Mother: "The Slutty Pumpkin" 

This show has some impressive holiday episodes, and Halloween is one of the best. In the first season of How I Met Your Mother, Ted goes on yet another quest to find a long-lost lover. This one happens to be the "slutty pumpkin," aka the girl dressed as a slutty pumpkin at the rooftop Halloween party. Apparently, Ted looks for her every year since he met her, and blames Lily for throwing away the candy wrapper that she wrote her number on. Get it together, Lily. 

So, those are a few of my favorite Halloween episodes! What are yours? Tell me in the comments below! 

Rambling Reads | Dorothy Must Die

It's been awhile since I've done a Rambling Reads review because I haven't been able to actually finish my book in so long. Life, man.

However, I managed to finish my latest read, Dorothy Must Die, this past weekend and here are my thoughts.

Dorothy Must Die tells a much different story than the traditional Wizard of Oz tale. While I'm usually a huge fan of fairytale retellings, this one wasn't my favorite. It's almost like Danielle Paige, the author of the novel, did too good a job writing the book in the perspective of a teenage girl because I wanted to pull my hair out like 80% of the time while reading.

The tone of the book is immature and Amy, the main protagonist, isn't a character you are rooting for. By the end of the story, I could have cared less if she defeated Dorothy or the Cowardly Lion bit her head off. Too much of the story was centered around Amy's all-too-quick infatuation with Nox, one of the witches in The Order, a mysterious group of Wicked witches trying to revolt against Dorothy. More adventure, less googly eyes. A young adult series that does a fantastic job of creating an empowering, young female protagonist is Cinder. This story is a twist of several different fairytales, and takes you on a journey of action, adventure, and the appropriate amount of romance.

Now, don't get me wrong, there were a few redeeming qualities of Dorothy Must Die. I did somewhat enjoy the twist of the traditional story. The book goes that Amy, a lonely girl from Kansas, is swept up in her motor home to the land of Oz. Upon her arrival, she finds that Oz is nothing like the storybooks say. The reason for this sad, depressing version of Oz is Dorothy. She isn't the sweet, innocent girl everyone talks about apparently. In this tale, Dorothy returns to Oz because she can't handle the boring, non-magical world of Kansas. Oz makes her a princess when she returns, and everything goes downhill from there.

She takes over Oz and magic consumes her. She sucks all the magic dry, making Oz a wasteland. Enter Amy. This annoying, immature, and relatively selfish young girl will be your hero for the next 500 pages. Enjoy. I would have to say that the only scene in the book I genuinely connected to was when Amy uses a magic mirror to see her mother in Kansas. She finds her attending an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting and telling a friend she wished her daughter were here to see her now. Amy then goes on to think how much she misses her mother and how proud she is of the change she has made. However, she also is angered by the fact that it took her leaving for her mother to get help, and I found that reaction to be extremely real.

There are so, so many young adult books that revolve around retelling traditional folklore and fairytales that sometimes you can find a dud. This is the case with Dorothy Must Die. I can't say I'll run to the bookstore and look for the next book in this series. Sorry Danielle Paige.

Well, that's my take on Dorothy Must Die, what was yours? Did you enjoy the book? Let me know in the comments. 

#WhyIWrite

Today is National Day on Writing, and to celebrate, the New York Times, along with the National Council of Teachers of English, and the National Writing Project, have teamed up to create the hashtag, #WhyIWrite.

Inspired by a classic essay by the infamous George Orwell, this hashtag has been around since back in 2011, and it's been going strong. The New York Times attempted to live-blog the trending hashtag, but it was so successful that they couldn't keep up. Thousands of timeless authors, and unknown creative authors, participated and inspired us all to keep our creative juices flowing.

The #WhyIWrite hashtag can really be anything. You can post your thoughts, ideas, work, memories, photos, or videos to join the conversation. It's just a fantastic way to express your admiration for writing.

Personally, I think this is an inspiring thing for Twitter to do. Most of the time, I sign onto Twitter and I'm instantly bombarded with meaningless hashtags and entirely too enthusiastic One Direction fans, but this means something. Writing can be a way for so many people to express their innermost fears, joys, and even feelings they are afraid to talk about. It's an incredibly cathartic experience to write out one's emotions, and it's a big reason I enjoy it so much. In the spirit of this National Day of Writing, I'll give a few reasons #WhyIWrite.

Sometimes, that can be extremely difficult. I have always been the kind of person that enjoys sharing my memories and life stories with people, so I've personally never found it very hard to write down my experiences. However, expressing a specific emotion or feeling can be tricky. Usually, I only write when I'm feeling an emotion pretty intensely. Writing isn't something I can just do with the drop of a hat. I've found that my ability to feel very deeply is because I love to write. It's been a thorn in my side in life, but in writing it only gives me the advantage. To feel deeply makes you an easy target, but when I'm writing it makes for a wonderfully cathartic journey. I can start out feeling an overwhelming amount of sadness, and the words will ooze out of my fingertips, and onto the page, making them raw, real, and no longer my burden. What can I say, it's cheaper than therapy.

I also write to pick myself up, which is similar to what I wrote above, but it's important to realize that it's okay to cry shit out. Whenever I'm having a terrible day. I go to my laptop, open up a blank Word document, and just type. It doesn't really matter what I'm writing, just the action of writing is soothing, and emotional for me. Sometimes you just gotta cry onto your laptop (or journal) while you listen to The Civil Wars. It allows you to have the feeling and then move on from it. I've always been a firm believer in owning your emotions and moving past them.

Being a human being can be hard. Especially when we have to do it every day. We are constantly comparing ourselves to others and living in our minds. I know I do. I don't think my brain is capable of a mute button. Believe me, I've tried. Writing helps me focus my disconnected thoughts, and it also gives me motivation to try and connect with other people. When I write, I'm writing for myself but also in the hope that maybe just one person reads just one sentence, stops for a second, and thinks, "I know that feeling." Because really, we all want that connection. We may not admit it, but it's something every person is craving.

My Papu, Greek for grandfather, was always my cheerleader in my writing. Every Christmas, he would only ask for all the copies of everything I had written that year and every year I would make him a little book, and he would sit next to the tree and read it. While I always wanted to honor him, it was his passing away last March that truly motivates me to honor his life and his influence on mine. I have a goal for next year to write a children's book about him. It's a comforting feeling to know that by writing about the people you have lost, they are still alive.

This is probably the most important reason. I write for myself, no one else. I have very much learned, from years in college and creative writing classes, that people aren't always going to like what you write. They can actually really hate it. But guess what? Doesn't matter. You didn't write it for them. Own your words and no one can hurt you. This ideology comes from years of writing groups and coming home from class crying because some latte drinking chick in a beanie and glasses told you the story you wrote about your grandparents is "too cliche." You gotta go through those moments to get the thick skin I've developed in my writing. Everyone feels it, and they live to tell the tale. It will make you stronger, and a better writer.

Well, those are the reasons I write. I want to hear your #WhyIWrite! Leave them in the comments below, or write your own blog post!

6 Life Lessons Friends Taught Me

Since it's the 21st anniversary of Friends, the greatest TV show ever created, I thought I would write about what each "Friend" has taught me about life.

Monica Geller

Monica taught me to let your freak flag fly. Although she is my least favorite character, Monica doesn't apologize for being herself. She is highly obsessive, uptight, and incredibly high maintenance but she allows her closest friends to see her true self, so they are able to all laugh it off. Also, she tells it like it is. She doesn't sugar coat things for her friends and forces them to see what they may not want to at the time. Monica does this many, many times for Rachel and her countless moments of weakness with Ross. 

Rachel Green

Rachel taught me that you can make mistakes when you're young, but learn from them. When we first meet Rachel Green, she is a runaway bride. Although she was raised with Prada and yachts, Rachel learns the hard way about becoming an adult and working for her money. Whenever I'm feeling down about not having enough money or seeing my bank account cleaned out by rent or student loans, I just think, "If Rachel Green can do it, so can I." 

Phoebe Buffay

Phoebe Buffay: Buried Alive. Phoebe taught me that it's perfectly fine to be weird. And to be yourself. Most of the time, you have no clue what she's actually talking about, but you love her anyways because she is so authentic. She also taught me to fiercely love my friends, because Phoebe's family is so chaotic that she considers her friends to be family. 

Joey Tribbiani 

Joey taught me quite possibly the greatest lesson of all: not to share my food. Well that, and he taught me heart. Although Joey wasn't the smartest crayon in the box, he had more heart than any of the other five friends combined. You could clearly see from any episode that if one of them truly needed him, he would come running. It was also heartwarming to see Joey step up to the plate when Rachel was his pregnant roommate for a tiny bit. 

Ross Geller

Ross taught me that even though life gets you down, you have to pick yourself back up. His character is very much known for having trials and tribulations, with his Eeyore-like "Hi.." revealing to the audience when he was really down and out. But, through all of his divorces and breakups, Ross still managed to find the positive, and the funny. 

Chandler Bing

My all-time favorite character obviously taught me to find the humor in life. Delivering some of my most quotable one-liners, Chandler Bing is the epitome of funny. Although he is all jokes, Chandler also taught me that humor can come from love. Throughout all ten seasons of the show, Chandler's wise-cracks all came from a place of pure love and admiration for his friends. Sometimes, he would even make jokes because he knew they were going through something tough, like the episode right after Ross and Rachel break up for the first time. Chandler is overflowing with jokes during the whole episode, which is clearly an attempt to distract his friends from the fact that this happy union has come to an end. If Joey is the heart of "Friends," Chandler is the well-meaning funny bone. 

Happy 21st anniversary to a wonderfully funny show with characters filled with heart and friendship! Who is your favorite friend and what did they teach you about life?